can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
