My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
