Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
