I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
