he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
