It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
