Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
