i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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