I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
