I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
