Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
