hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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