I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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