why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize