Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
