I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
