well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
