I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
