whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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