I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
