You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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