you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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