Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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