She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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