We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
