there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
