I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
