between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
