Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
