dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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