Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
