Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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