Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
