Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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