Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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