I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
even my farts smell like vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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