Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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