Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
