someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The feeling are messing with the penis
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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