I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to calm my uterus...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
