do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
