her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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