Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
