Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
