im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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