Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
