I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
