my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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