I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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