I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
