oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
