Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
