I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
