I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
