You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
