apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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