I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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