who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
there is glitter all over my balls
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