My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
