That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
