A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
