I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
