jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
