im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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