Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
