so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
two words: eviction party
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
