pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
