Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
