We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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