So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just gargled with NyQuil
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
