So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i think i have two assholes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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