if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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