There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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