you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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