I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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