Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
