And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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