Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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